“Will I be single forever? People always ask me, ‘Why aren’t you married? Why don’t you have a boyfriend? What is wrong with you? Are you a lesbian?’
The answer to all these questions is very simple: I wish I knew.
You would think you’d have your life figured out at 32 years old. Well, not really. Surely not when it comes to relationships.
All these questions people constantly ask me are very thin ice. We’re talking existential crisis. We’re talking life and death. People who are in relationships and never had problems finding a partner don’t understand the serious impact it has on a person if you ask them why they’re not in a relationship.
Of course, I could say I don’t want it, I don’t need it, just like all the other liars out there. But I’m going to be honest in this blog because I have finally figured it out… I think.
For me to understand who I am, I had to go back early into my childhood.
When you’re a teenager, your emotional intelligence is low, and your character, personality, and basically the idea of who you are is shaping, strongly connected to your sexual life. You start liking the opposite sex or the same one and discover your human nature.
I was about 11 when I had a crush on my neighbour, a cute boy who looked like a singer from my favourite boy band at the time. He was also interested in me, and we became a couple very soon. This was my first love and boyfriend ever, and of course, we did not do anything real. All we did as boyfriend and girlfriend was hang out together, play video games, play sports, and listen to Linkin Park.
This continued for 2 years until he realized other girls were wearing makeup, had bigger breasts, and wore less clothes. Yes, I’m talking about 13-year-old girls. He made a shift, found a more mature girlfriend, and I started dating his best friend to make him jealous.
Unfortunately, his best friend knew the reason I was dating him, so he decided to meet up with other girls to take revenge. I did not blame him anyway.
Here was where it all started. My parents got divorced, my mother started telling me every day that all men are assholes and they only want sex…